My Life
I haven't blogged in months. In September we started building a house and it has been crazy since that time. My friend Kendall has been asking me to start again. So, I have decided to start again-tonight. I won't lie, the events in Connecticut are really what made me decide that it was time to start it up again. I was physically ill yesterday when my Mom called me at work to tell me what had happened. I did not get the full magnitude until last night when I got home and could see the new coverage and read the information online. I was horrified. Not only for these parents, but for the students who experienced it and lived through it, for those who have passed on (what must have gone through their little minds before they died), and for the first responders and police officers. No child should have to die, and no child should have to die scared.
As I sit here looking at my kids sleeping, I think to myself that the hardest thing for me would be that there is no one to take the anger out on. I feel lead/called to do something for these parents that are left behind, but I am not sure yet. I think that I will be shown what that is or else it would not be on my heart.
I never wanted to hug my kids as much or as tight as I did yesterday when I got home from work. Maybe that is because I have two kids who will be in Kindergarten next year. No child, no matter the age, should EVER have to be scared in school. Especially children who are just going to school for the very first year. I never remember being scared in school-not even in High School. The world is a crazy place right now, people are crazy.
I had a kind of bad week, I won't lie. Really just one day was kind of bad. When I got home, my kids are what made it better. H.D. said "Mom, what is wrong?" I told him and he said "oh Mom, it is o.k., I am here and it will be just fine" and he gave me a huge hug and a kiss. Then maybe an hour later, Gigi asked me the same question and I told her too. She said, "Mom, don't be upset over that, that is stupid and besides you are the best mommy in the whole world and that is what matters". And, you know what, I am NOT the best Mommy in the whole world, but that is what matters-that she thinks that and that they care to ask me if I am upset, that they know that we all love each other that much. They are pretty great.
I say sometimes that I am not sure what Doug and I did before we had them and honestly it is hard to remember, but there were 9 years pre-H.D. and Gigi. But, those years weren't nearly as exciting. I hope and pray with everything I have that I never have to go through what those parents in Newtown, CT are experiencing-the loss of a child. My kids are my everything, my life They were an answer to years of praying and two big, huge gifts from God.
