Which is worse for a Mother? This is a question I asked myself multiple times this week. Any given week, our house is typically pretty crazy, but we are usually able to keep things relatively "light". This was not one of those weeks. In our house we don't have much physical pain with the exception of my chronic migraines, Doug's aches and pains and the occasional bump and bruise.
This summer has truly been a "season of change for our house. The kiddos have always had my Mom or Doug's Mom with them since they were born (they take turns coming to stay with us). My Mom was with me the 8 weeks I was on hospital bedrest before the kids were born. Has this set up always been easy in our smallish house? NO, Has it always been worth it? YES, I say this because the kids have a love for these two women that is truly unmatched. It is a special kind of love, it is unconditional. I would not trade that relationship for anything because I was close with my grandparents and I would give almost anything to spend one more day with each of them. The grandma's take them and pick them up from preschool and, of course, stay with them until Doug or I get home. And, they take them on other "special" outings.
The first of June, my Mom fell and broke her lower leg and kneecap. Therefore, she was out of commission. Doug's Mom came the last 2 weeks of June, but not knowing was going to happen with my Mom I started making alternate plans for July and the first of August. So, for July on Monday's and Friday's we have Paige (the love of H.D.'s life) coming to the house to babysit and Tues, Wed, and Thurs, they are going to preschool and I am going into work late and working late and Doug is picking them up after preschool. Everything has been fine until this week.
On Tuesday, Gigi cried-just about harder than I had ever seen her (even when she pitches a fit) when I dropped her off at school. She even stood at the window and cried and cried as I was leaving. As this is happening, I am thinking this is SO strange to me because she is my "independent" child. And, the preschool is at our Church. She knows these people-they all love my kids. However, I thought that she would, I am sure, calm down as soon as I was out of sight. I went on to work. At 12:30p.m. I got a call from the preschool director. She said that Gigi was still crying, and had basically been crying since I left that morning. As we were talking, I could hear Gigi coming down the hall crying. Mrs. Robin (the preschool director) put Gigi on the phone to talk to me, she was crying so hard she could barely speak. Puh puh puhllleeaassee come get me she kept saying over and over again. To which, although my heart was breaking, I said I can't come get you-Daddy will be there soon. She was to go on a playdate with H.D. that afternoon a their friends house. She said she didn't want to go. She told Mrs. Robin that she was afraid someone would kidnap me, and no one would know where she and H.D. were. Where did that come from? I don't know.
She ended up changing here mind, went on the playdate and had a blast but was glad to see me. Tuesday...I gave her a necklace of mine and told her-I will definitely be home because I have to get this necklace. Thanks to my mom for that idea! She had to do that with me. She cried on Tuesday, too. She told me she was "lost at this school with you, mommy". But, she did not cry as badly and her teacher said she stopped quickly. That night, she told me that every time she was sad or missed me she just looked at that necklace.
Mrs. Robin thinks and now I do as well that she is afraid I will go away because it has been a while since she has seen her grandmas. That makes me so sad. Her little mind is so much like mine was at her age, it is scary. She is Doug's physical mini-me but her personality is SO me. God help us all. This is a child who will give a complete stranger the shirt off her back but fight her brother to the death over the last Danimals yogurt.
So, which is worse physical pain or emotional pain? I am still not sure. I have seen both of my kids in each. However, I will say, at least with physical pain there are pain meds to be had. You can't really do anything for emotional pain, except just be there and reassure. That is exhausting.
My Mom is the person you want in your corner for either type of pain. She is seen me in the worst of both types of pain and she never flinches or backs away. She handles them with the utmost grace.
So, tonight, when Gigi started asking me 25 questions about Heaven I thought--oh,you have got to me kidding me. And, then I thought-what would Mom say? Then, I took a deep breath and answered her questions.
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